What’s the deal with Vladamir Putin?

So hear me out, here: I’m starting to think this Vladamir Putin guy may be a bit more of a trickster than we first thought. Now, don’t get it twisted, this isn’t come conspiracy theory or crazy rant, these are just some things I’ve noticed lately that a lot of other people seem to be ignoring.

Now, it started when he invaded that other country. The one with the name of one of our states. Yeah, that’s the one. It was a little unnerving to hear about that, since I kept getting it confused and thought he was in our country. I thought it was really crazy that he got all those tanks to drive across the ocean. No, I figured it out. Shut up, it didn’t take me that long.

Anyway, he invaded those guys over there, and we were all like “Hmm, gosh, that’s not good, I don’t think.” And I agreed! That probably wasn’t good. But whatever, just one invasion is easy to overlook.

And then there were all those guys that died. But I mean, people die every day. Just because they’re all outspoken opponents of Putin might not have had anything to do with their death. I can easily see how we might waggle our collective fingers at him, or shake our heads a little bit and look the other way. That’s only natural, not a big deal.

Then there was the bombs he dropped on London. Man, was THAT a rough weekend! I thank my lucky stars that we live here, in the land of the free, and not in that war-torn hellhole that now occupies Great Britain. But I mean, that was just a few bombs, and he DID stop sending them when we asked him really nicely. And we only had to send over 20 politicians to him as hostages! I think that’s a mighty fair trade, for us, honestly, and we should be honored Putin even considered it.

But.. Then there was that time he poisoned the great lakes, killing millions of people in the US. Now, of course, it could have just been Canadians driving those planes that dropped the poison into the lakes, like they said on the news. That’s probably right. I mean, I might not agree with Putin, but I don’t think he’d just outright LIE to us about that, do you?

But when Russian tanks rolled into China, and the massacres started, well, I mean… Well, I don’t know how to say it. I think someone should really sit down with this guy, and ask him if he’s okay. I mean, clearly, we need to retaliate. Maybe we shouldn’t send him a Christmas card this year. After all, enough is enough.